Resilience is a skill anyone can learn and apply to any area of their life. People are not “born resilient.” It’s not a personality trait that some have, and others do not. People become resilient as they respond to difficulties in their lives.
So the Good News Is You Can Become More Resilient
Then again, if you were living with the delusion that you could avoid hardship in your life, let me dispel that notion right now. It is not a question of whether you will encounter hardship; it is a question of how you will respond to it. No matter what your particular stress is — client issues, financial anxiety, being overwhelmed by technology, or opposing counsel’s attitude — changing how you think about and respond to that stress can turn a dreaded situation into an opportunity for building resilience. One place to start: List the things in your day that drain you of energy and joy. What would you prefer to avoid or actively wish would magically go away?
1. Challenge Your Assumptions (Or ‘What Else Could This Be?’)
One key component of resilience is seeing things from multiple perspectives. You limit your ability to do that when locked into interpreting a particular interaction or situation fixedly. The classic way of limiting perspective on a stressor is to consider it a crisis or impending crisis. “My client is not paying my fee” turns into a fear that this will result in making no money, becoming homeless, and starving on the street one day. Any crisis will make you feel a heightened stress level, prompting you to avoid the situation or attack it — the “fight or flight” syndrome. Read More
Asking yourself, “What else could this be?” is a creative problem-solving technique that helps to challenge your assumptions. Another way to put this is to ask: “What is this problem an opportunity for?” Seeing a stressful event as an opportunity will allow you to see potential upsides to a stressor and use it for good. So, for example, a stressful confrontation becomes an opportunity to practice speaking calmly and confidently to an upset client, thereby making you better able to handle these situations and, in turn, become more resilient.
2. Embrace Hobbies (They’re Not Just for Retirement)
Games and hobbies are not child’s play or activities you should postpone until retirement. Hobbies and fun activities are essential for creative thinking and well-being. They provide a way to take a break from work (or constantly thinking about work) and an opportunity to use different parts of your brain, interact with others differently, and see things from a different perspective. I helped you handle a problem. Could you stop trying to solve it? Taking a break and doing something completely different often provides “aha moments” of insight.
3. Prioritize Friends and Family (Yes, They’re Pretty Important)
Let’s face it: law school and the demanding legal environment have required you to spend less time with friends and family. It is a necessary sacrifice most lawyers make to get through law school, pass the bar, and start a legal career. Unfortunately, what begins as a temporary sacrifice can transform into a lifestyle.
Having a strong social support network is essential to resilience. The most resilient people have a network they feel supported by, know they can turn to for help, and to whom they offer assistance in a pattern of mutual support. Nothing increases the weight of a burden more than thinking you are alone in that struggle. Talking with friends, family, and colleagues can help give you a different perspective, validate your feelings and concerns, and help you think through options you might not have considered.
Be Well, Be Resilient
Resilience is a skill that needs resistance to strengthen, like our physical muscles. So look for opportunities to use the barriers in your life as a resilience workout routine. The more you do, the greater your sense of control will be.